The Mission

Winds ripped at his furs; great boulders forced him to walk beside his horse rather than ride, but Lord Malachy knew his mission was urgent. Troops gathered on the borders of his land, separated only by the Anon River.

 

 

He smiled a little. “They’ll have a hard time crossing the river won’t they?” he said to the yellow dog that accompanied him.

 

 

He came alone not wishing to put anyone of his house in danger. Should the jackals find a way to cross into his lands, best to let them think he’d fled like a coward.

 

 

He wished he left before the autumn wind whipped the mountainsides, but he couldn’t go back.

 

 

The dog growled and returned to his side. Horses. He heard the thunder of their hooves and stood, half blinded by their armor in the sunlight. Malachy pulled out his broad sword. If he were to die in these godforsaken mountains, he would do so as a man.

 

 

“Old fool,” a familiar voice said. “You should have come a month ago.”

 

 

He bowed. “My Lady, you grow more lovely each day, but war is upon us. We must prepare.”

 

She shrugged. “You rode all this way. You may as well ride to war with me.”

 

2 thoughts on “The Mission

  1. D. Handler says:

    Hey Sarah, thanks for the read.

    You’ve got the groundwork here for a good little fantasy snippet. Can I make two suggestions?

    Introduce the yellow dog in it’s own right. The first mention of the dog comes when Malachy interacts with him, and in my mind I have to make a dog suddenly *poof* into the scene. If you give him a little throwaway line before you mention him in conversation, like – trotting by his side, his gold and copper mutt spewing rhythmic jets of breath into the cold air – and then have Malachy talk to him, the scene would feel less jumpy.

    Suggestion two is to include some sort of reveal for the Lady – she needs to throw back a cloak or something and we need to get a visual description of her and her entourage, just a brief one. Otherwise the end sort of tapers out in dialogue without much grounding – how many horses are with her? What sort of cloak is she wearing? Just a little more detail would help, and you could drop some extra descriptors all throughout to paint the scene – temperature, landscape, etc.

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