Last night after four 24K Nightmares I thought, he’s kind of cute. Maybe he’d like to come over for a drink.
This morning I wake covered in my own shame. all I want to do is turn back the clock to yesterday morning. the worst thing is I don’t even remember what happened. I just know I hurt all over, and I feel like I was torn open by a drill.
I shuffle to the bathroom, bent over like an old woman, and turn on the shower as hot as it will run. I scrub until my skin is red and use an entire bottle of soap. I still feel dirty.
I head back to my room and yank the sheets off the bed and throw them on the floor. I want to burn them but I don’t have the energy. I ball them up and stuff them in the hamper, then pull on a pair of sweats, wrap myself in my comforter and curl back in my bed.
Your fault. Your fault. You let it happen. It all runs like a mantra, a brain loop.
A soft thud on the bed startles me, but it’s only Cat. She snuggles beside me, kneading me with her front paws, trying to get close. She only wants to get warm, I tell myself, but I open up the comforter and let her snuggle in beside me. She doesn’t see the shame. She nestles against me and begins to purr.
I stroke her for a little while until I begin to smell the lavender body wash and my eyes grow heavy.
Together we drift away.